A Reunion of Friends

Do you have people in your life who just exhaust you?  I am not talking about the ones who are a little bit annoying, or the ones who just don’t know better.  I am talking about people who are sure they are better than you and lord it over you every single minute, even though you know that they are not better than you at all?  Those people?  Let me tell you about my weekend.

Stefan, Röbby’s best friend since forever, was in town last week for a meeting with some investors.  I am not really clear about what he does for a living, but it is entrepreneurialish and he makes a lot of money. He had to stay in a downtown hotel during the week and then moved over to one of our guest rooms on Friday.  Of course his wife, Kathy had to make a big effing deal about how important she is at work (adjunct faculty at a community college) and couldn’t make it until Saturday morning.  Who cares?  She is a pill.

Stefan is completely delightful and we had so much fun Friday night with some burgers on the grill and a little trip down memory lane with Röbby.  I had Röb’s mother send over some funny photos of the boys growing up and we just laughed and laughed.  I also found some videos that they had made as teenagers.  They thought they were going to join the cast of Jackass apparently.  I left them downstairs with those and a case of IPAs and went upstairs and watched chick flicks.  I don’t think Röbby made it up before 3 AM, but they had such fun.

Also, did I mention? Kinda hot

It is amazing how damaging an unhappy woman can be to a happy get together…

Kathy showed up on Saturday morning in total “look at me” mode.  Oh look at the special and expensive hostess gift I bought you!  Aren’t I special, watching football with the men instead of hanging out with the other gal in the house?  Look how much I know about everything!

By dinner time I was DONE.  I had spent a lot of time picking up the side dishes from the catererers and it was not easy to get the Merlin to fold the napkins the way I wanted him to.  Hostessing, especially hostessing a someone like Kathy, is exhausting.  They were planning to  go and meet a couple of people from the PhD program she and Röb had been in together after dinner and I felt a lil’ my grain coming on.  Then I heard her outside (helping the guys cook the steaks, of course) asking Röbby if he had been in touch with Claire.

Rude bitch. Yes, that is what she wore to go out. “Look how much more casual I can be!” You look like a moose, Kathy.

What the heck?!  Röbert is happily married with a beautiful home and a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter and two sons!  He even has a dog!  He is NOT thinking about his dreary old girlfriend.  I am sure Kathy talks to her all of the time and has to listen to her pining away for the “one who got away”, but that is not Röb’s problemo. Was Claire going to be in the group they were meeting later?  That I wanted to see.

Good bye my grain!  I ran upstairs and threw on some skinny jeans and a cute top I had in my closet and came down to join them.

You should have seen Röbert’s and Stefan’s faces when I came back down. You should also have seen Kathy’s LOL. Game, set, match, community college instructor!

The rest of the night was pretty dull until I got their fat friend Brad to do a few too many shots and twerk with Krystyn, who was at the bar with some of her friends.  Brad’s wife is also a real sourpuss, by the way.  Claire was not there after all (at some kind of dig thing in Spain or something) but I had forgotten how popular I was with the other guys in the PhD program.

I think Kathy was hoping Röbert would regret dropping out and taking a job in software sales to get married, but obviously he has a wonderful life.  I wonder why she is so bitter?

 

 

 

 

He May Actually Become Popular

Yesterday I was stuck in the car all day driving Merlin up to his soccer camp.  Don’t camps have busses that conveniently pick campers up anymore?  Has anyone even seen Meatballs?

Normally, Röbert would do the driving, but he had a long-planned hiking excursion up to the mountains and apparently Uber is too expensive for long distance travel.  I did find a Greyhound bus that would take him close to the camp, but Röbert thought he might get lost walking the last five miles, especially since he had never been there before.  He might have a point, but I didn’t want to waste a whole day!

I did anticipate Merlin’s incessant chatter and downloaded a Harry Potter audio book for him on an old iPod.  A couple of earbuds later I could chit chat and text with my gal pals on the phone without disturbance.

When we got there, they had all the boys put on their new uniforms and go out and play.  At first, I didn’t want to stay, but there was another mom there with amazing shoes who I wanted to get to know so I hung out with her a bit.  She kept commenting on one fantastic player and when I looked up it was Merlin!

I am shocked by how he doesn’t look completely nerdy when he is in a uniform.

On the way home I tried to listen to a podcast about soccer but nope, too boring.  I listened to a new book I had heard about called Grey instead.  I generally only read literary classics and important non-fiction, but this book is so well written and thought provoking.

Anywho, this week is all about me and Starling and finding a place to drop off Hummus for the day.  I am so looking forward to it!

 

Super Bowl = Super Fun

Well, I am very excited about the super bowl thing this evening.  For the first time in quite some time we are hosting the party here!  I sent out e-iinvitations to everyone in the neighborhood except the Wozinskis.  I even invited that crazy family who don’t speak any English, because I want the Wozinskis to realize that I didn’t invite them on purpose.  I hope they feel as bad as I did the day they refused to homeschool Starling for me.  I want them to feel that bad every day for the rest of their lives.

Anywhoo, there was some crazy mixup because it turns out everyone was already invited to the Sullivans.  I called Karen and asked how she had managed to lose my invitation AGAIN!  Honestly, she is such a space cadet.  She seemed flustered and upset and agreed to move her party here.  She is bringing her food so I went to the gourmet grocery this morning and picked up some healthier alternatives.  I am sure her dips and chips are fine for most people, I won’t judge, but I want everyone to be able to nibble on some bruised kale salad and vegan gluten free pizza at my house.

I saw some millet kale crackers and decided, what the heck, buy those too! It will be quite a party!

The one bad part is that Karen insisted that the Wozinskis be included, so I promised to call them and invite them myself.  I am going to make it clear by my tone that I don’t want them to come at all.  I am pretty good at that sort of thing.

Happy Basketball everyone!

 

Weekend Magic

It was so nice to have Röbert home for the weekend.  Yesterday he did some chores around the house while I had lunch with my friends and went to the gym for pilates, spin and some time chatting with this hilarious new gal in my morning stretch class in the steam room.  Then I came home and watched this a very heartwarming Lifetime movie while Röbert took Starling to her soccer tournament and then dropped Merlin at the twins’ house for a playdate and picked up the dry cleaning and did a lil’ grocery shopping.  This morning I was able to indulge in a lil’ late wake up and when I came down Röbert and Merlin were making a big brunch for everyone.  Family weekends are the best!

You can’t even believe the mess they made but I made sure they cleaned up too!

The Gifted Class has asked all of the parents to come in and share their talents.  I told Mr. Williams (Ty to me!) that he should ask Röbert to come in because I am sure he has many talents to show off, mountain hiking or some such.  Apparently Röbert has already been in and played the drums.  I forgot he could do that.  Now it is my turn.  I am not sure which talent I should share.  It is hard to show dog saving in an elementary school classroom without endangering the children.  Likewise ordering off the menu at a cafe is not particularly interesting to young children.  Maybe I could do yoga?

Although I only started last week I have already taken 17 classes so I am quite experienced. Turn up the furnace Principal Hannigan, the queen of Bikram is coming!

Good News

This afternoon we had an event that made everyone happy!  Beefeater came over to play with Merlin.  I guess I really did cure Beefeater of his blood lust because he played fetch for 20 minutes and seemed like the same happy dog we used to know.  Karen is keeping close track of him now and only letting him out for short periods until he readjusts.  Apparently someone told everyone else on the street about his vicious nature because everyone else called their children in when he came out.  I guess, once again, I will be the better person and set an example for others by allowing my child to play with him.  Not Starling of course, because just imagine if he bit her beautiful face!

Beefeater seems to be better.

After dinner I let the children all pile into the bed in the guest room and watch Frozen again while I had book group downstairs.  Röbert will be home late but we have big plans for a fun fall weekend.  Now I want a lil’ more vino.

They are lil’ angles.

Family Photo Shoot

I decided to have a family photo shoot yesterday and didn’t even tell Röbert because he would just complain about cost and blah blah blah.  Unfortunately he had to work all day (on a Saturday!  So unfair to me!) and Hummus had a runny nose and did not look cute at all.  So I had Merlin take care of Hummus and turned it into a Mommy-Daughter photo shoot.

First we did some kind of vintage looking ones in black and white.  They didn’t come out as cute as I had hoped!

Not cute enough for me!

So then I had the photographer wait and Starling and I ran right over to the mall (Hummus was asleep for most of the time so Merlin could EASILY handle babysitting) and bought some cool clothes and then took some photos at the park.  This one was my favorite.

So cute of both of us!

But they say the camera adds ten pounds and in this case it did, in my thighs!  Ugh!  I did a little photoshopping and got the perfect picture.  Shhh!  I think Röbert might find this blown up and framed under the Christmas tree this year.

This is how I normally look. My thighs are very toned and slender.

Later I noticed that Hummus was kind of lethargic so I took his temperature (VERY high!  I don’t know why Merlin didn’t tell me.) and gave him some Benadryl.  I hope he feels better soon, because he cries a lot when he is sick.

A Beachy Surprise

Röbert and the boys arrived this morning and found me asleep on the living room floor.  I don’t know why I didn’t make it into bed last night. I think Röbert was pleased that I was wearing my new jammies, because he kept staring at them.  We decided to just have a nice relaxing day on the beach.

The children were all running up and down the sand dunes.  The people who stopped by to scold them about the environment should just mind their own damned business!  I am sure that my sweet children playing on the sand dunes is not going to forever change the universe!

He is having fun, so the environazis can suck it.

Merlin’s hair had gotten so long and I didn’t notice until he put on his hat!  I cut it with some scissors I found at the condo.  Boys don’t really care what they look like anyway.

 

As we were leaving the beach you will never guess who we ran into!  The Sullivans!  They have a house there where Karen spends a lot of time and I guess she and Mitch decided to come down after Beefeater attacked me.  They haven’t had him put down, which would be the responsible thing to do with a vicious dog.  They were both very apologetic about the incident.  Mitch kept trying to hug me which was very awkward.  Beefeater was with them, fortunately muzzled, which he didn’t seem to like much, lol.  I thought I heard him growl at me!

This is a vicious dog!

Karen does seem kind of heartbroken about the whole thing and has had to cancel all of her visits to nursing homes and pediatric hospitals where she brings Beefeater to snuggle with sick people and entertain them.  Oh well.

Weekend Getaway

It made absolutely no sense for me to stay home with the children all whining about lice over the weekend, so Röbert and I took time to have a little getaway  We went to a beautiful luxury hotel in the city and finally had time to just relax, read, shop and eat at some fantastic restaurants.  My mother always loves to spend time with the littles, so it was a win/win.

Where is the mini bar?

The best part is that my Mom ended up taking care of the lice (she said I had gotten her there under “false pretenses” LOL.  I know she loved it!) and I didn’t get any of the little buggies myself.  My hair looked fantastic this morning!

Lice free!

Dog Emergency (again!)

After Röbert left for his business trip this morning I went up to my room to try on hats, since I had gotten a bunch in my Stitch Fix box this month.

I think this one is super cute on me. What do you think?

While I was up there the doorbell rang and it was Mitch, who I seem to be running into everywhere lately.  Apparently Beefeater had run away from home once again and of course the Sullivans wanted Saint Lah Lee to come to the rescue one more time.  Mitch kept trying to hold my hand though, which was sooooo awkward.

He seems awfully dressed up to look for a lost dog, right?

I was getting uncomfortable, but he finally left and I heard a knock at the back door.  This time it was Karen, looking for Beefeater.  I gave her a cup of tea and she started crying and telling me about her marital problems.  I mean, I can see why she would want to leave Mitch, but she doesn’t.  She thinks he wants to leave her.  So strange.

I finally got her to stop crying Sheesh!

I tried to be a good friend and listen, but I couldn’t wait to post about it on Facebook, without naming any names of course.  She finally left and I went out to look for Beefeater.

Well, I don’t know if you remember when I allowed to family down the street to watch my lil’ angles last summer and they let them watch television and eat sweets?  I don’t know their name, since they don’t speak English, but as I was power walking past their house, just as it was getting dark, I could hear whimpering in their garage.  I broke in and found Beefeater there!  They weren’t home, but I am just sure that they were going to fatten him up and eat him, and I told Karen as much.  I also can’t wait to post about THAT on Facebook.

Catchin’ Up With the Kiddies

I had such a terrible my grain on Sunday that I forgot to mention the cutest thing that Starling did on Saturday night.  She thought she was grown up enough to go to the Sullivan’s cocktail party and got all dressed up in a princess dress and came to show me while I was applying my face.  She was extremely upset to find out she wasn’t invited so I called to ask Karen if i could bring her along.  For some reason Karen said no.  Ugh!  Poor Starling!  She could not stop crying!

My lil’ Princess

On Sunday afternoon Röbert took the children up to the mountains for a few hours so I could get some R n’ R.  I am not clear on exactly where they were, but Röbert took this picture of Merlin fishing.  I wish I enjoyed the outdoors more.

He didn’t catch anything for dinner…thank the Lord!

And this morning we had a big event Chez Us!  A special lil’ angle stood up on his own for the first time.  So I guess everyone can shut their pie holes about the stroller.

My big boy stood without holding onto anything while i was transferring him from his stroller to the bouncy seat.