Poor Ty

I have reached out to Ty several times since the police unjustly railroaded him into confessing to my shooting.  His lawyer must had advised him not to contact me until after the trial, because he is not taking my calls or texts, or letters.  I did notice his old soccer team was playing a game today when I looked at their schedule by accident online.  I happened to be in the area and saw Ty with my telephoto lens I was using to shoot photos of a rare bird species I had read was spotted nearby.  He seems to have lost some of the weight and looked much happier than he has been in a while.  It must be such a relief to him to know that Renata has moved on to another man.  Maybe he will be back to teaching Merlin soon!

He mustn’t know about the Edible Arrangement I sent to his parents home last week or he would for sure have stopped by to thank me.

Come On! They Must Be Making Up Teams!

Why did I ever let Merlin sign up for soccer?  Sure, he loves it, but it is just so inconvenient for me.

Not only does he now play on the travel team, but he is on a regional all-star team that plays even more games.  Now I just found out that he has also been chosen for a state all-star team. They only play one game, thank the lord, but I don’t think I can make it to that one too.

Honestly? I wouldn’t be all that upset if he had a minor, career ending injury. How does one go about tearing and ACL? What is an ACL?

Soccer Mom

Does anyone actually enjoy all of the endless assemblies, recitals and athletic events that their kids participate in?  Merlin has never seen a club or team he doesn’t want to join, so my burden is particularly onerous.  And it isn’t like there is just one debate or soccer game to celebrate the season; they happen week after week.

But here is the thing:  there are moms who attend all of it, every single game and performance.  I have even seen moms sitting and watching practice as if the haven’t a care in the world.  Are you kidding me?  Who has time for that?

The other day Kathleen Moriarty, the mother of that freckled little troll, Kevin, asked me why I hadn’t been to a single soccer game this year.  Because I didn’t know that soccer games had begun yet, maybe?  How am I supposed to keep track of everything?  I guess Kathleen Moriarty is probably too busy not minding her own business to be a part of our book club again this year.  Sorry, Kathleen.  All full up.

Since I am really a terrific mom, and because Cleia had a my grain, so Hot Yoga was cancelled at the last minute, Hummus and I were on the sidelines cheering our footy guy on this afternoon.  I am not sure if we won or lost, but that really doesn’t matter, does it?

Oh, hi Kathleen. Are those white sneakers you’re wearing new?

 

Travel Team

Röbert is so excited that Merlin made the travel team in our local soccer league.  Of course he did!  He takes after me athletically.

There is only one travel team for his age group, and our local league is one of the best in the state, so I am expecting big things from these little guys.  Their coach is (of course) the ever-present Cliff Harris.  What the hell does that man do for a living that he is available for every single play, sports team and recital?  I know that Röbby would be a much better coach, but he hardly has the time!

The assistant coach this year is none other than Mr. Williams (Ty).  He played soccer in college, but he explained to me that he won’t be able to make all of the games and practices, because he dedicates so much time to his work.  The kids are all thrilled to see him there and he has some really fun drills for them.

Best buds

I am putting Merlin on a special diet and training regimen so he can be the best on the team. I will be relieved to not have to listen to Margie brag about her lil’ monsters all of the time.

Rotten Kid

I can not even believe the story that Merlin just told me!  I swear that kid will be the ruin of me, someday.  I was working at my computer and just happened to have a picture of Renata up on the screen. I am not sure how it even got there. Merlin, who had snuck up behind me again, said, “Hey look!  It is the pretty lady!”

Apparently last fall he had stayed after school to do something with Mr. Williams (Ty to me, but Merlin has to call him Mr. Williams because he is his teacher, LOL) and when Mr. Williams was dropping him off, I wasn’t home.  I must have been out doing something important or tending to some emergency or something.  Anywho, Merlin told Mr. Williams that he could drop him off at the Sullivans’ house instead.

When they got inside, according to Merlin, Karen was doing “gym class” with a pretty lady and he said to Ty, “Hey Mr. Williams, look at that pretty lady!”  I am sure everyone laughed and that would have been that, but no.

A few weeks later, or days, who knows, Ty took Merlin to the park to kick the soccer ball and Merlin saw “the pretty lady” reading a book on the grass.  Of course the little wretch had to run over and say “hi” to Mrs. Sullivan’s friend. Then he called Ty over and said,”Remember the pretty lady who plays gym with Mrs. Sullivan?  Don’t you think she is pretty, Mr. Williams?”  Of course Ty had to say yes, what else could he do?  I am sure it was mortifying for everyone.  Somehow Renata forced her phone number into Ty’s phone at that meeting (I am sure that wasn’t so pretty) and he must have felt obligated to call her because, as Merlin tells it, he came into the classroom the next day and told Merlin that he had a date with the pretty lady for dinner that night.

My own rotten little brat introduced Ty to the woman who will be his downfall, and never bothered to tell me about it.

He looks like a normal kid, but honestly? So annoying most of the time. Of course i love him to pieces, but often want to tear him to pieces at the same time. Motherhood!

In other news, I think I’d better make an appointment to get his eyes checked.  Pretty lady?

Happy Independence Day!

We got up bright and early this morning and dropped off Hummus with his Grandmama for the day.  I had left him there yesterday, but I guess she didn’t understand that she was supposed to keep him, because her housekeeper was waiting with him in my house when I got home yesterday afternoon and she didn’t seem at all pleased with me.  Ugh.  Why is Röbert’s mom such a pill?  Anywho, she was so insistent on a specific pick up time today and I was really surprised that Röbby said late afternoon.  The camp is a bit of a drive but late afternoon?  It turns out that there is a tournament at the end of camp!!!!  Horrible!  I was expected to sit through several games of soccer and an awards ceremony?!?!

I can’t even begin to describe how tedious it was.  Some of the parents seemed to think we were all there to make friends and this one man had a mustache and was wearing a Game of Thrones t-shirt.  I died.

The awards ceremony was very cheering though.  Lots and lots of awards for my lil’ angle!  He got some dumb ones of course “Kindest Kid” and “Most Spirited”  (I’ll say he is spirited!) but then he won the overall award for best player in camp so the mustache guy and his troll wife can suck it.

We drove back to Grandmama’s to pick up Hummus and were heading out to the lake but I had forgotten Starling’s outfit for tonight at home.  Röbert kept insisting that we couldn’t go home, but I needed that outfit, so I cried until he brought me back to get it.

Guess who is having her lil’ Fourth of July party again this year, despite being humiliated and fat and single and having not a friend in the world?  Karen.  I guess she waited until I was out of town having a fab overnight at a gorgeous lake house with my hot husband to bribe a few other pathetic people to come over and eat her food.  Whatever.

The lake is very upscale for a lake and the house is darling.  Small, but Röbby did well.

And Starling looks so cute in her lil’ outfit that I am sure Röbert agrees that the detour home was well worth it!

Ahoy mateys! Batten down the hatches for adorableness.

I don’t care at all about Karen’s stupid party but I would love to know who is there and what is happening.  Not that it isn’t obviously completely pathetic, but still.  Also, since it is right next door, I feel like I should have been invited or at least informed.  Not that I care at all.  I wonder who she even found who would come to her awful, grim party?  I couldn’t care less.

 

He May Actually Become Popular

Yesterday I was stuck in the car all day driving Merlin up to his soccer camp.  Don’t camps have busses that conveniently pick campers up anymore?  Has anyone even seen Meatballs?

Normally, Röbert would do the driving, but he had a long-planned hiking excursion up to the mountains and apparently Uber is too expensive for long distance travel.  I did find a Greyhound bus that would take him close to the camp, but Röbert thought he might get lost walking the last five miles, especially since he had never been there before.  He might have a point, but I didn’t want to waste a whole day!

I did anticipate Merlin’s incessant chatter and downloaded a Harry Potter audio book for him on an old iPod.  A couple of earbuds later I could chit chat and text with my gal pals on the phone without disturbance.

When we got there, they had all the boys put on their new uniforms and go out and play.  At first, I didn’t want to stay, but there was another mom there with amazing shoes who I wanted to get to know so I hung out with her a bit.  She kept commenting on one fantastic player and when I looked up it was Merlin!

I am shocked by how he doesn’t look completely nerdy when he is in a uniform.

On the way home I tried to listen to a podcast about soccer but nope, too boring.  I listened to a new book I had heard about called Grey instead.  I generally only read literary classics and important non-fiction, but this book is so well written and thought provoking.

Anywho, this week is all about me and Starling and finding a place to drop off Hummus for the day.  I am so looking forward to it!

 

Go Ladies!

Sometimes Cari is a true genius, so it is no wonder we are such good friends.  She does this thing with her ex-mother-in-law where she won’t let her see Amber for weeks and weeks and then, when the  MIL is absolutely desperate to see her granddaughter, Cari gets her to babysit whenever she wants her to.  Last night she had her watch Amber and all three of my kids while Röbert was out of town and “James” was visiting with his own (grown) children at the family compound.

Cari and I decided that after we split a small side salad at the new bistro in town, we should head over to the local sports bar, just for fun.  We were surprised how crowded it was on a Monday night.  And even more surprising was that every screen in the bar was tuned to a lady’s soccer game.  Did you even know that girls played television sports?  Except for tennis or figure skating, I have never heard of such a thing. Should Starling play sports games?  I don’t know.  I am worried about her getting weird muscles.  Anyway, these girls were still mostly quite attractive, so I guess it is okay to play soccer for ladies.

Go American Soccer Lady Team!  Win the tournament!

It is really quite thrilling to get involved in the cheering, even when you aren’t sure what is going on.

 

Sports Fans

I have never really cared for sports, except going to the gym, which I love.  There is just something so boring about watching sports.  Röbert likes outdoor sports like hiking and riding his bicycle and other water things (ugh, kayaking) but he will still sit down and watch sports that have nothing to do with mountains on television if I don’t stop him.  You should have seen him with college basketball a few weeks ago.  It was crazy!

When I discovered Merlin playing soccer last week I was so surprised.  I mentioned it to Cari later to see what she thought about it and she was also shocked that a child who was as intellectual as Merlin could also be an athlete, but she reminded me how popular the athletes were in high school and that sounded like a good thing to me.  Karen’s sons both played sports in high school, but I don’t think they were very good.  In fact, I remember her telling me that Clement always “rode the bench” in baseball.  It might be fun to have a jock in the family!

I tried to sign him up for soccer but they only have a travel team in the spring and they try out in February.  Jeanie, the woman who I spoke to at the league, was quite rude when I tried to explain how good he was.  She said something about people who sign up to coach and then quit, which I totally had to do because I have lots of other obligations, which I didn’t take into account.  Anyway, we can sign up for the fall and try out in June, I think.  I can’t wait to wipe the smirk off of Jeanie’s dumb face.

I thought it would be nice for him to try an American sport, so I called the baseball league and they have already started their season too, but they agreed to put him on one of their regular league teams.  Röbert was surprisingly enthusiastic and actually went shopping, only it was at the sports store.  They spent yesterday morning out at the field practicing and Merlin had his first game last night.  He did not ride the bench, and he hit the ball once while I was watching, but it was a foul or something.  He was so happy, though, which is, of course, the most important thing to me.

After he and Röbert practiced this morning. The equipment is so expensive. I think he can do some work to pay me back, though.

The whole thing started me thinking about what kind of elite sports he could be really good at if I had thought to start him a bit younger.  I immediately signed Hummus up for “toddler tennis”.  I only had to fudge his age slightly.  He and I went and hung out at the courts yesterday afternoon and the other parents were right up my alley.  Slightly intense, but in a good way.  And I think Hummus will be really good at it, once he figures out what he is supposed to do with the racket.

This picture makes him look like he is hitting the ball, which is why I posted it all over social media. The other ones you could tell he was a lil’ confused.

I have to ask the trainers at the gym about conditioning for tennis, baseball and soccer!

Soccer Prodigy

Last fall we signed both of our big littles up for soccer.  It seemed like a good sport for networking.  Of course Merlin ended up on a team where all of the parents were haughty and aloof, and his practices and games were all at inconvenient times.  We stopped bringing him after the first weekend. Starling was on a team with her then best friend, Rachel, and Rachel’s dad was the coach, which meant Starling got to play the whole game every week.  But then she and Rachel had a falling out over some little trinket that accidentally ended up in Starling’s book bag, so Starling quit soccer too.  We never even thought about sports after that.

Yesterday after school I looked out back and Starling and Merlin were playing soccer again, and Merlin was really good.  Starling has always been a gifted athlete of course, she takes after me, but Merlin is a nerd.  How did he ever get get to be so good at soccer?

He was doing all of these fancy foot moves and bouncing the ball off his head.

When I asked him where he had learned to play he said that he played it with his friends at school.  That made sense at first, but then I thought about his geeky, weirdo, uncoordinated friends, and I realized he was lying.

I ended up not giving him anything to eat or drink until he told me how he really learned to play soccer.  He was crying and begging and saying, “I promised! I promised!” but children shouldn’t keep secrets from their mom.  After a few hours outside in the cold without a jacket he finally told me; Ty has been teaching him soccer during recess and after school.

Merlin was apparently very upset last fall when we stopped taking him to soccer.  I know that he wept at the time and tried to give me his favorite toys to “pay” for the league fees, but I didn’t think that it really bothered him to quit.  Ty was apparently a star soccer player in college, and he believed he would play in Europe until he had a devastating injury, so he has taken Merlin under his wing and taught him some kicking skills.

You know, everyone teases me about Ty, and how he must have a crush on me, but I thought we were just buddies.  But Ty taking all this time this year with Merlin really makes me wonder; would he be doing this for just any kid?  There obviously has to be a reason that he does special things for him all of the time, like teaching him debating, or give him a Halloween costume, or teaching him soccer.  I certainly feel bad if I have somehow led him on.  I am so very happily married that of course I am not interested in Merlin’s teacher!