So Disrespectful

Merlin called home a lil’ upset last night.  He is loving his ridiculous camp (I am sure it is nerd heaven!) but he said he overheard Mr. Williams shouting at someone on his phone yesterday and he doesn’t like to see him sad.  Poor Ty!  I wonder what could be bothering him so much?

I was worried that Renata might not have found his dog yet, so I drove by his house to see if I could spot Dementor, and I spotted a whole lot more!  There was an absolutely wild party going on at the house.  I have no idea how many people Renata even knows, but it seemed more like she had posted a “Free Kegger” sign at a local university rather than the little invite she had on her Facebook page to a couple of girlfriends yesterday.  She was (of course) crying in the front yard again.  It seems like that is all she does lately.  Someone must have called the police, because while I was driving by the craziness, several squad cars pulled up.  Uh-oh!  I hope there weren’t any underage people there.  That would reflect poorly on Ty as the homeowner and a local teacher.

It was too dark (and I was too shocked) to snap any pictures last night, but I did manage to get this one of the yard this morning.  Renata certainly seems pleased with the way she destroyed all of Ty’s hard work.

I would certainly never send this to Ty, but I may have to post it on Instagram. She is not a good person.

I want to know if she was actually arrested so I am heading over to Cari’s to see if we can access the police database.  Cari is a whiz with computers!

 

Rotten Kid

I can not even believe the story that Merlin just told me!  I swear that kid will be the ruin of me, someday.  I was working at my computer and just happened to have a picture of Renata up on the screen. I am not sure how it even got there. Merlin, who had snuck up behind me again, said, “Hey look!  It is the pretty lady!”

Apparently last fall he had stayed after school to do something with Mr. Williams (Ty to me, but Merlin has to call him Mr. Williams because he is his teacher, LOL) and when Mr. Williams was dropping him off, I wasn’t home.  I must have been out doing something important or tending to some emergency or something.  Anywho, Merlin told Mr. Williams that he could drop him off at the Sullivans’ house instead.

When they got inside, according to Merlin, Karen was doing “gym class” with a pretty lady and he said to Ty, “Hey Mr. Williams, look at that pretty lady!”  I am sure everyone laughed and that would have been that, but no.

A few weeks later, or days, who knows, Ty took Merlin to the park to kick the soccer ball and Merlin saw “the pretty lady” reading a book on the grass.  Of course the little wretch had to run over and say “hi” to Mrs. Sullivan’s friend. Then he called Ty over and said,”Remember the pretty lady who plays gym with Mrs. Sullivan?  Don’t you think she is pretty, Mr. Williams?”  Of course Ty had to say yes, what else could he do?  I am sure it was mortifying for everyone.  Somehow Renata forced her phone number into Ty’s phone at that meeting (I am sure that wasn’t so pretty) and he must have felt obligated to call her because, as Merlin tells it, he came into the classroom the next day and told Merlin that he had a date with the pretty lady for dinner that night.

My own rotten little brat introduced Ty to the woman who will be his downfall, and never bothered to tell me about it.

He looks like a normal kid, but honestly? So annoying most of the time. Of course i love him to pieces, but often want to tear him to pieces at the same time. Motherhood!

In other news, I think I’d better make an appointment to get his eyes checked.  Pretty lady?

Bad Day

I am having a bad day.  I can’t put my finger on why I feel so sad today.  I put Frozen on the tv this morning and threw a couple of boxes of Gogurt into the family room, and that is about as much parenting as I can stand.

I thought exercising would help, but I had to do it alone at home because I am stuck with two kids who are too old for child care at the gym.  Somehow all of that made me feel even worse.

Despite being sad, I am smoking hot!

And do you know what I found out about Karen’s stupid party?  It was an engagement party for Ty and Renata.  I should have been invited.  Ty is practically my best friend.  It is so horrible of her to steal my best friend and not invite me to his party.

All of those ugly old people must be Renata’s awful family.  Poor Ty!

What Would You Do?

I may have mentioned before that Starling is absolutely brilliant and a wonderful student, but she finds school difficult.  This year has been particularly hard on my lil’ princess.  There were some claims that she was a bully (untrue), a couple or maybe four or five suspensions for bullying and then the inevitable bullying by other students and their parents about Starling being a bully.  That is not right!

She has also been complaining about being bored all year and I have had multiple phone calls with her teachers about what they need to do to challenge Starling more.  She would like more field trips, more high interest enrichment like performing plays about fairies that she writes, dressage instead of gym class, and just more.  The teachers seem uninterested in even discussing our ideas, particularly very late at night when I have my best ideas, and I am feeling frustrated.

This morning Starling told me that she was no longer going to go to school.  She didn’t fight me or anything, just refused to go.  I immediately called that lovely private school in the next town over to see if I could drop her off there (I thought that Röbert and I could figure out the tuition etc. later).  Did you know that you have to apply ahead of time to go to fancy private schools?  Wow.  I just thought you needed to show up with a check.  Also, more expensive than I expected.

Homeschooling is a no go.  I am far too busy with my blog etc. to have time for that.  But what can I do?  Is there a free alternative to school?  Something that is super-convenient for me?

She is far too smart for her public school teachers.

 

Party On!

Today was our second End-of-Year Party meeting, and I have to say it was pretty lively.  Our goal for today was to agree on a theme.  I had some great suggestions; The Great Gatsby (I have a darling dress for that one), Game of Thrones, Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend, and Cannes Red Carpet were just a few, but Cari couldn’t make the meeting and the rest of the women were just so dreary.  They ended up deciding on “Moving Up”.  What the hell kind of theme is that?  I didn’t cry in front of anyone, but I was so disappointed at the moment.

I had gotten dressed like a serious business lady, and it hurt that no one respected my authority.

Now that I am home I have been concentrating on the “up” part of the theme and I am getting excited.  I am thinking of geysers and helicopters and very high heels and fireworks.  I think we can make something of this theme yet.

 

At Home with my Kiddos

This week is spring break for Merlin and Staring so we are all home together, making wonderful memories.  I had thought we would be going someplace warm this week, but Röbert insists we can’t afford it.  I don’t understand why he is being so cheap.   I am sure we could afford a lovely little inn in Florida or something.  He gets to go on trips all of the time. Right now he is in Macon, Georgia for 3 days, and that is fine, but the rest of us are just stuck here at home.

I got the kids up early this morning so we could make some cleaning memories, LOL.  You would be absolutely amazed at what a child as young as Hummus can do.  He scurries around under things scrubbing the floors like a lil’ machine.  “Rub harder!” I tell him, and he does, with a giant smile.  The cleaning liquid I have him using smells so strongly that I don’t like to use it, but the chemicals don’t seem to bother him at all, except for a lil’ rash around his eyes later in the day.

The older two, on the other hand, are acting a lil’ too good for cleaning up after themselves.  Merlin claimed he was scared cleaning the gutters. You know given half a chance he would be scrambling all over the roof for fun like a lil’ mountain goat, but the minute I send him up there he is all, “Boo Hoo, it is too high.  The roof is steep!  Wah.”  I had to stand in the yard until he was done because every time I went inside to talk on the phone he would start crying again.  He was acting like a real baby.

I gave Starling some clothes to put away but the next thing I knew she was chatting on her phone with her friends.  Girls!  What can you do?

After lunch Starling went over to play with a new girl in her class.  I have to say that I like Amber’s mother Cari a lot.  She also loves to work out and volunteer at the children’s school. I think we might co-chair the end of year party and show these dopes how a party should be.  Merlin went to play with those drippy twins.  Every time I see Margie, their mom, I wonder if we are even the same species.  She is so dumpy.

Then, since Hummus had fallen asleep in the car I did a lil’ shopping and bought myself a cup of tea to bring home and relax with.  The first cup they gave me was wrong but I paid for it anyway and decided to bring it over to Ty’s, since it is the exact kind he always orders.  He was so pleased to see me!

He explained all about debate, which, yup, is as boring as I thought, but he was so enthusiastic that I pretended to consider going next year.

I am about to put the kids to bed and spend another evening as a lonely, single mom.

ETA: I just found Röbert’s old computer up in the attic in a locked trunk under a pile of tarps.  It is last year’s model and he just got the new one last weekend and it is hardly used so I thought I could let one of the kids use it for schoolwork but I can’t figure out the password.  I have tried “MyHotWife”, “ILoveMyWife”, “LahLeeisHot”, “Password”, “”HappilyMarried”, “MountainMan”, “ILoveLahLee” and “VeryHappilyMarried” and none of them work.  Any ideas?

Winter Blues

I am such a cheerful and giving person, that most people would never guess that sometimes winter makes me sad.  I had planned on meeting Genni and Merry, two new friends from my barre workout, for coffee and maybe a teeny bit of shopping at the new boutique in town this morning, and I was really looking forward to it.  Since Röbert’s mom and my parents are absolutely selfish and don’t love their grandchildren enough to want to visit with them, I had arranged for a girl who works at the dry cleaner to come by and babysit for Hummus.  But when she didn’t show up at 9 AM, as we had arranged, I called her and she had some lame excuse about the weather being bad and she is scared to drive on ice, blah blah, blah.  Let me tell you, she will not soon forget the words I had for her about her laziness and lack of a work ethic.

I went downstairs to discover that Röbert was actually still home, as were Starling and Merlin.  I was furious with them, skipping school is not okay in my book, but according to them school was closed.  After I called up the Superintendent of Schools to give his answering machine a lil’ piece of my mind, I realized that I could leave all of them with Röbert, since he was apparently planning on working from home.

Believe me, this is way too casual for work! He looks like a homeless person with his shirt untucked like that.

I thought I was being very quiet as a I snuck out the back door (Röbert can be very sensitive about needing time to “work” when he works at home), but Röbert apparently heard me and I heard him say, “Good luck!”

The entire yard was filled with snow.  It was awful and I burst into tears.  It would have taken me forever to dig a path out for my car and the road was still unplowed.  I went back inside and called the Public Works Department to remind them to plow my road and ask, very politely, if they could maybe do my driveway too, while they were at it.  The lady who answered the phone was extremely rude and her supervisor will be hearing from me.

I am an active person and I like to be out and about.  Merlin was driving me batty with his constant requests to go outside and sled and he actually wanted me to make hot cocoa for him and Starling.  Sure.  As if I have a recipe for something like that.  Everyone knows that is what Starbucks is for.

Finally, at 11:25, I gave up and just invited Karen over for a lil’ girl talk.  She is overweight and elderly, but she beats talking with my children.

Seconds before we started in on the vodka shots.

We watched Ellen and The Chew and then she told me a really funny story about Margie that I would repeat here, but I don’t believe in spreading gossip.  Suffice it to say that if Margie thinks her hideous husband is faithful, then she needs to go look at the cars in the parking lot in front of the Sleepy Hollow Motel one day at lunch time.  She thinks she is so much better than the rest of us.

Now I am going to shut my eyes for a few seconds because I have a lil’ my grain.  The kids are watching Frozen again and I gave them a lil’ whiskey in the instant cocoa Karen brought with her, to keep them docile.  Instant cocoa!  Can you imagine?  It even had marshmallows in it.

Three Questions

I have three questions today.

Question number one:  Is costume jewelry in any way the same thing as jewelry?

Question B:  Does Kate Spade have a line at Kohl’s all of a sudden because I think some of her stuff looks hideous?

Final question: Do husbands even listen anymore?

I am about to be taken out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant, not that cute French place in town.  Very romantic.  I can’t even bear to ask which Mexican place because I think I may be back later to tell you what the new dollar menu at Taco Bell is like.

Of course, I would never let Röbert know how disappointed I am.  I am always very stoic, even when faced with major life events such as getting costume jewelry and being taken out to a Mexican place for a date.

All ready for my big night out. I think I must have been near Beefeater today and had a lil’ allergic reaction because my eyes are a tiny bit puffy.

I ended up eating all of the Valentine’s Candy that Röbert bought for Merlin today.  I don’t think he likes sweets anyway, so it really doesn’t matter.

Whatever God damned restaurant I am being taken to tonight better have a frozen margarita machine, that is all I am saying.

 

Snow Day

We had a blizzard!  Oh my stars, it was snowin’ and blowin’ yesterday and all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and sleep.  Of course that wasn’t possible.  I got everyone up extra early because I wanted to be nice and safe and slow while driving them to school.  When we got there the the school was all locked up.  I called the principal at home and she was very sweet but said they were closed because of the weather!   Have you ever heard of such a thing?  Excuse me, my littles need to be educated, and not just when the teachers feel like showing up.  I was even ready to drop Starling off for the day and give it another chance.  I think the school could at least try to keep the other girls from bullying her by calling her a bully, and I had a lot to do.

I had dressed in my gym clothes already so I decided to head over to the gym and try to get the child care people to watch Starling and Merlin too.  I thought they could be great “junior helpers” for the day.

Reporting for spin duty Cap’n!

It took forever to get there because tree limbs had fallen down all over the place, blocking roads and what have you.  And when I finally made it…closed!  They had better reimburse me for 1/31 of my monthly membership fee, because that is not right.  I could see several other mommies also trying to get in.  I am sure they will hear from us tomorrow.

So I was stuck heading home with all three children for the entire day!  Horrible!  As soon as we got home Merlin started asking about going sledding.  Ugh!  It was so annoying.  Finally I told them that if they all got themselves dressed entirely on their own they could go out back and I would watch them from the window.  Well, Merlin got all the clothes organized and even helped Hummus get dressed.  Next time I think I will hide their mittens or something.  It would give them a fun scavenger hunt like game, and I won’t have the mess of snowy boots etc. when they get back in.

I think Röbert and I need to seriously talk about moving to Florida. This gives me such a headache!

I called Val on the phone and we had a nice chat about the gym and how angry we were about it closing, because it really was the worst sort of inconvenience.  When the kids were done, Merlin got their clothes all put away in the mudroom and then made hot chocolate for them.  It was only instant, which I would NEVER serve.

After dinner I put them to bed and made a lovely hot chocolate for myself with some Belgian Chocolate i had hidden away and a lil’ cognac.

Happy snow everyone!

 

Gossip is Wrong!

I can barely bring myself to write this post because I have been crying all morning long!

I started the day trying on outfits for Thanksgiving.  The Sullivans have asked us over for dessert after dinner and I want to look my best.

Too much? I think I look very elegant but probably should let Röbert do most of the cooking on Turkey Day!

I was rudely interrupted by a phone call from The mother of Starling’s friend, Martha.  I can’t remember the mom’s name.  She is in one of my spin classes and is so slow and uncoordinated.   A couple of us like to get behind her and imitate her, LOL.  Anywhoo, she was uninviting Starling from the slumber party tonight!  Can you believe it?  She said Starling is a bully and Martha is afraid of her.  I told her that it was all petty gossip and she should be a better person and ignore it.  She hung up on me.  How completely rude!  I called all of my friends and told them what a bitch she is and also maybe mentioned that she has been diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder which, while not entirely true, I am sure she would be if she went to a psychologist like she needs to.

Gossip is so cruel and it hurts, actually hurts, people like my own lil’ angle, Starling.  I think I may start an anti bullying and gossip campaign or something.

Starling was upset and so we cried together for hours.  Then I went out and bought her a nice guitar because she said she might want to play it and won’t Martha and her mother be sorry when she is a famous singer songwriter and Martha is just a nothing.

Out of the the way Taylor Swift, here comes Starling!

I made peanut butter crackers for dinner tonight because I was exhausted from crying.  Can you believe I forgot that Merlin is allergic to peanuts? LOL.