I may have mentioned before that Starling is absolutely brilliant and a wonderful student, but she finds school difficult. This year has been particularly hard on my lil’ princess. There were some claims that she was a bully (untrue), a couple or maybe four or five suspensions for bullying and then the inevitable bullying by other students and their parents about Starling being a bully. That is not right!
She has also been complaining about being bored all year and I have had multiple phone calls with her teachers about what they need to do to challenge Starling more. She would like more field trips, more high interest enrichment like performing plays about fairies that she writes, dressage instead of gym class, and just more. The teachers seem uninterested in even discussing our ideas, particularly very late at night when I have my best ideas, and I am feeling frustrated.
This morning Starling told me that she was no longer going to go to school. She didn’t fight me or anything, just refused to go. I immediately called that lovely private school in the next town over to see if I could drop her off there (I thought that Röbert and I could figure out the tuition etc. later). Did you know that you have to apply ahead of time to go to fancy private schools? Wow. I just thought you needed to show up with a check. Also, more expensive than I expected.
Homeschooling is a no go. I am far too busy with my blog etc. to have time for that. But what can I do? Is there a free alternative to school? Something that is super-convenient for me?
She is far too smart for her public school teachers.
mythreeangles 
How about “unschooling?” I think the Mormons do that with girls. I don’t know much about it but it seems to be a trend amongst the hipsters. Google it.
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Do you know any Mormons or Hipsters or other religious types who could unschool her for me?
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See, I think the beauty of unschooling is that parents don’t have to do anything AT ALL! They just let the kids learn what they want and when they want. Sounds perfect for you and Starling. Just maybe keep her away from some of the other unschoolers. They seem a little off.
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You know, school is really just for boys and ugly girls (you know, like Fat Alice) who have no hope of marrying well. Your Starling is so thin and beautiful I just can’t imagine her having problems catching a well off man.
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I know. She is so beautiful and with such a lovely smile and great attitude that she will surely find a handsome and wealthy husband. I don’t know why she needs to know Algebra.
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What about virtual school? My state offers it for free. She could work on the computer while you are at the gym and keep her eye on Hummus.
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That sounds fantastic. In the unlikely event that a neighbor with mental health issues notices a nine year old at home alone for a few hours a day and reports the parents for neglect, would the online school serve as a stand in caregiver in courtroom situation?
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Ooh unschooling! I have no idea what that is but it sounds really on trend! You must set an example Lahlee and unschool Starling! Other than that, what about internet distance education? I heard that’s the new thing in “schooling”, And of course we know that Starling is advanced enough to stay home by herself and take charge of her studies over the Internet.
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She is supper-smart. She just needs enrichment and exposure!
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Can she do the online / unschooling on an ipad in the gym daycare or cafe? I would think she would find that a really inspirational place.
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The gym has been super-picky lately about my kids hanging out unattended. I think some other members must be taking advantage.
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Omg Lah Lee, have you considered how this will effect the epic end of year party? Do you think Starling will still be able to attend?
As for her education – Have you considered enrolling her with an agency (Modelling / show biz) and going from there. She could become a child star! Then she would have access to private tutors and the like.
Exciting times ahead for your STARling!!
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+eleventybillionty THIS! I was just going to suggest modelling school. That will prepare her for a career in which she will meet handsome, rich, super-straight men.
Also EPM, you always ask the most incisive questions. I, too, am on the edge of my seat about the year-end party. WHAT NOW, LAH LEE????
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Can she just model instead of school? That sounds amazing!
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Oh, the Gala goes on!
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Since you ask, I would ask myself if my child was suffering from insecurity. I know that Starling is slim and has a doting mama but there may be something we’re not seeing. Maybe she is too sensitive for the rough and tumble of school? Or the other children are envious of her physique and talent? Yes, that must be it.
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I know the other children are jealous. Why else would they keep calling her a bully?
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Such a beautiful sparky little girl! And she stands up for herself!
I’m sure she would be great at Internet schooling. What girl needs boring qualifications? And if there are any lil details she needs to learn, Merlin could teach her after school, surely?
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Maybe I could unschool Merlin and he could homeschool his sister? Hmmm.
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I think you should figure out ways to get her to help you monetize your blog. She can do editing and call advertisers etc for you. Maybe y’all can travel around a bit, like in an RV, and do a mommy-daughter value-added exercise of some sort that people will pay for.
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That sounds fantastic except I would miss my gym classes. Pilates can’t really happen without me!
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I know exactly what you mean. When I miss a class (VERY RARE, only for PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGNS!!!) the teacher, I have heard from others, gets all confused and is “off her game” for the whole class.
Really WE bring such good, focused energy to our classes they should pay US to attend, hahahah! I’m not actually kidding!!! HAHAH!!
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They don’t pay me, Cindy, but I often volunteer to stand in the front and demonstrate form so idiot newbies don’t waste our precious time.
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I think she would find what she’s missing at a professional performing arts school for children. There she could continue to find inspiration to keep her slim figure while learning how to become the star that she deserves to be! Plus once she starts booking tv ads and catalog work, you could be her “momager” – all of your hard work on her behalf would obviously be repaid through 20% of Starling’s earnings, which would give you a lil’ extra shopping money now that Rober is being stingy. The mom of a star needs to look like a star herself!
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I am looking at apartment listings in Hollywood right now and it might work if Röbert is willing to work a little harder to make some more money. Honestly, men!
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Sue the school for the emotional damage they are inflicting on your precious little girl. Surely, it would be outmost cruelty to force Starling to go back there. I think the current situation calls for a couple of interns to assist you with her education while you keep shifting those blogging paradigms. There must be plenty of College students dying to gain teaching and tutoring experience for their bios. But definitely, sue that horrible school – the damages might cover private school fees and then some, should you wish to enrol her next year. I hear Marshall Gravelle is an excellent lawyer, maybe he can help you. He should be on Linked In.
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This sounds great. I will call that lawyer I once saw on tv when I had Cheaters on by mistake. He must be good!
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I heard that if you ask the school to put your child in the gifted and talented program three times in writing they have to let her in.
I haven’t tried it because my boys are too young (and anyway Lex is so gifted I doubt I’ll have to ask lol) but I heard from a friend that GT kids go on extra field trips and do things like art and putting on plays.
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She was accepted into the gifted class last fall because she is very smart for a girl. She refused to go because they were all geeky and weird. If you had ever met Merlin’s friends you wouldn’t blame her.
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