Sometimes I think that I am too empathetic a person. When I see a friend in danger I just want to save them. I just put my littles to bed early with some Benadryl and Cokes, so I can try to figure out the best thing to do to help my buddy Ty, without ruining our friendship.
This afternoon I let the mother’s helper watch the kids alone for a tiny second, so I could run over to the other end of town and buy a chai at the cute shop Ty showed me a long time ago. I was surprised to see him there, but even more surprised that he was not alone.
Everyone knows that I have always hoped that Ty would meet a nice, respectable young woman and have a little fun. He is a hard working young man and has so many great hobbies that I am sure many gals would be more than happy to be escorted around town by him. I would, of course, miss our easy camaraderie if he started dating, but I know he would always make time in his schedule for Lah Lee.
But what if he started dating someone less than respectable? I had never thought that was even possible because he is such a sensible person. But today I saw him in the company of Renata, the bitch who treated Hummus so cruelly at the gym. And he introduced her to me as his girlfriend.
She is not even pretty and I didn’t see a bit of chemistry between them!
She is a foreigner! I wonder if she is even living here legally? I wonder how you find something like that out? And she is so, so cruel, abusing small children! There was supposedly even another woman at the gym who complained about her and who was so crazy that she caused Renata to be scared for her life. I don’t want Ty to be mixed up with a mean person who isn’t even American and has a stalker! He is Merlin’s teacher and Merlin deserves a teacher who is not dating someone so awful.
I hope she is living here illegally, because then, problem solved. Should I tell him that she is the one who hurt Hummus? What should I do?
mythreeangles 
Hmm, maybe you don’t have to tell him directly. I’d be a little afraid he might “shoot the messenger,” you know? Can you find a way to have Hummus with you the next time you run into them together? Hummus will sob hysterically, Ty will wonder what the heck is going on, Renata will be mortified, and then later you can explain to Ty in private how Renata terrorized Hummus. Ty loves children and I’m sure won’t want to be with someone who treats her own, I mean your own children so terribly. Ty needs to know that he’s been hanging out with someone with a real cruel streak.
I have to say, though, that I do think Renata is pretty in a sexy Italian way, like Sophia Loren. Maybe that’s what Ty sees in her. Does she have an accent? That can sucker a guy in too. Men!
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Well, if you had actually seen Renata, you would know that she is ugly, inside and out.
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I hope Renata isn’t one of those foreigners who marries an American just so she can get a green card and then ends up moving her whole family over! Poor Ty!
It would make things easier if, say, she was caught with an illegal substance on her. Or maybe if someone went to the FBI with concerns about her involvement with a terrorist organisation.
I do feel for you as well Lahlee, it can’t being easy for you, knowing that your son’s teacher’s girlfriend is a child abuser.
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The green card is exactly why I worry about Ty. He is such a nice person and I can imagine a savvy foreigner taking advantage of him.
That would be so sad if someone found a few marijuana cigarettes on her. She might be deported, especially if they thought she was an ISIS member. She is a horrible person who abuses young children, so a few misunderstandings wouldn’t bother me.
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Oh no! What a big decision!
I didn’t realise that Renata had actually hurt your precious Hummus. That is dreadful!
Take care what you say to Ty. You want to be very careful to avoid anyone accusing you of being bitchy or even racist! I know you don’t have a bitchy bone in your body and you only want the best for Ty, but other people might not understand. People can be very blind to what is going on around them!
Maybe you could do some careful research to find out more about Renata. On Facebook and maybe Google her? And ask at the gym about this crazy person who is stalking her. That sounds like a dangerous situation to me. After all you don’t want Merlin put at risk!
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I don’t know that she actually hurt him, just that he goes crazy and starts screaming “Mum Mum” every time he sees her. She must have done something to him to get him so agitated. Poor Hummus!
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Yikes! LahLee, you need to tell the school right now that Ty has ties to a terrorist foreigner! Do you want Starling’s school BOMBED? That’s what these people do! Tell the school (anonymously, you don’t want towelheads targeting your family) and the police, and the Dept of Homeland Security!
Cindy McCain, do you know anyone LahLee could email to get Renata deported?
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Yes!!!
Please reply, Cindy.
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Thank you for thinking of me. I certainly know many people. Write to John care of his Arizona office and mention that you know me. He will get his people right on it.
Are you close to Arizona at all, Lah Lee? We have a wonderful sherriff, the Honorable Joe Arpaio, who is just great with those people and so good at maintaining order and keeping the right people safe (of course deportations are for the good of the deportee as well of course)
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Maybe we can convince Renata to go to Arizona and allow justice to take its course.
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Forget about terrorism, the situation is much, much graver, LahLee!
Renata, if that is even her real name, is clearly stalking you and aiming to steal your life! First, she gains access to vulnerable baby Hummus and clearly performs some psychological tricks on him. Then she inserts herself into Karen’s life and replaces you as a good and healthy influence. Not that you would want to have anything to do with Karen the snake, but that does not change the fact that Renata has taken your place and is showing up on your turf. Now Ty, poor oblivious Ty. Nothing but a pawn in her nefarious game. Bless his heart. I would not be surprised if she found a way to insert herself into Röbert’s work place next. You must find a way to stop her or she will try to take everything from you!
But first you need more information. Is Merlin good with computers? Or maybe one of the nerds in his genius class is and could help you to get some more on that foreign minx. It is every nerdy boy’s dream to help out a hot Momma, so you should not have any problems recruiting someone who could do a little digging for you.
As an immediate measure you could have some flyers made with her picture that either look like wanted posters or suggest she is a sex offender or something equally disturbing. This way people would be warned to stay clear of her until who have proof that she is up to no good.
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Maybe I can anonymously report her as a sex offender. I am just so worried about poor Ty.
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Or raise doubts about her immigration status. I hear ICE raids can be quite traumatising. Maybe that will suffice to make her back off.
Oh, and Happy Mother’s Day! I am having Mimosas in your honour while waiting for how many Gimlets it will take to drown my own mother’s eternal snarl of disapproval. Your children are so lucky to have such a warm and positive presence in their lives.
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Thanks Pearshaped. I hope you had plenty of gin. I don’t even invite my mom on Mother’s Day. It is MY day, after all!
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I would just mock up some images of iPhone text messages from Ty to some other woman saying he doesn’t care about Renata and that he wishes she would leave him alone, and that he doesn’t trust her, thinks she is ugly, etc. Then hack into his email and send Renata the images “by mistake” (air quotes.). this has always worked well for me. I could show you how to do it. Don’t tell Cindy I told you to do this. Um, err…oops! 😉
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I already know, dear heart.
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Terrific ideas Julia Rainbow. Should I post on my Facebook to figure out how to do these things?
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What is on his arm? I think we might need an interventions. You know what comes from Caftanistan other than terrorists? Heroine. Look it up.
Poor Ty. Those creative types are so easily let astray.
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Mcakez, that unattractive thing on his arm is named Renata! Oh, the mark? Maybe she is drugging him while he sleeps.
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Yes, I do that whenever I need to know anything. It gets me more personalized attention than using Google like just ANYbody can, and you can also tag people like Ty and and Röbert and also important Silicon Valley founders and sister goddesses, balding dance music DJs and anyone else you urgently want to see your posts and get answers from right away. It is also a good place to get medical advice about things like calcified pineal glands, skin tags and blocked chakras. Try it! 😉
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Medical advice from online strangers sounds absolutely wonderful. I am sure they would not pooh pooh my own theories about my health, as I find that actual doctors often do. Can they prescribe life saving medicines such as sleeping pills and anti-anxiety drugs?
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I don’t take these big pharma things but remind me to tell you about the epic magical potion that is ayahuasca.
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Where can i get this ayahuasca? Would it cause someone to behave in an irrational manner? It might be interesting to “Daniel Ellsberg” Renata with some hallucinogens to see how much Ty likes her when she is crazy!
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Interesting, my chakras are very blocked. I was told to eat more vegetables but I can’t because of my allergies.
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So inspiring. An ordinary person would look at that pic (how did you get it btw?) of Tynata and see only a cute couple. But you see beyond the superficial to the real truth!
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Don’t you take sneaky pics of people you know as you pass them on the street? You never know what you can do with them, very useful in all of life’s emergencies.
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